Breaking up is rarely simple. Almost everything occurring around you seems insane. You feel shock, denial and rage. You need to escape what is occurring but you just can't. What you want is to be left alone. Secluded. You need time and energy to think through your relationship. But thinking inevitably leads to rage or the desire to bargain with your Ex for a possibility to fix things. If neither anger nor bargaining works there is a good probability you may suffer from depression before beginning the activity of recovery, private acceptance and nurture.
Let us briefly describe the breakup stages.
Stage One: Shock, Rage, and Denial
Shock is the body's natural protection against pain. When your romantic relationship ends you are likely at first too afraid, depressed, and burdened to do anything productive. This condition could last minutes, days, or weeks depending on circumstances. Initially it's tempting to discount reality and reject what has happened. You imagine if you don't recognize your partner's choice then it didn't really happen. You might even start wanting reunion. This produces an overwhelming wish to call, email or possibly even Facebook-stalk -- do anything that seems remotely "normal" that permits continued contact.
When your emails, calls and posts remain unanswered frustration tends to set in. You shift from sad to furious. Your wrath is fueled by memories of whatever part he or she played in the breakup. Sometimes the anger gets turned in on yourself and you criticize yourself for whatever it is you think caused the relationship to end.
Stage Two: Isolation, Depression and The Blame Game
Once you accept the breakup has occurred you begin to face outcomes. You may replay the relationship in your mind, trying to determine where it fell apart. Your thoughts may be scattered and disorganized. You sense a desire to withdraw from the life you shared and even aspects you didn't precisely share -- like updating your Squidoo status or screening your voice-mails. You may isolate yourself at home as that feels far better than going out and admitting to the world that, yes, it's finished.
The blame game starts when you realize the magnitude of your loss. You may end up in a state of profound sadness and even experience despondency. Just stumbling out of bed feels difficult, You may even endure bodily aches resulting from profound feelings of hopelessness, helplessness and pessimism.
You discover how to cope with breakup anxiety. Breakup anxiety is triggered by the drastic change that's happened in your life. Anxious emotions stem from worry and uncertainty concerning the future. Get a good friend or relative to help you cope with the anxiety. Breakup coping necessitates that you face facts. Recognize that the relationship ended for a reason. Overcome the dread you cannot live without him or her by going out and interacting with others. Who knows? You might meet someone who is much more deserving of you.
Stage Three: Acceptance and Moving On
The acceptance stage helps make all the other really tough phases worth it. This is where you enjoy welcome relief. You embrace your breakup. It's finished. You have labored through the pain and suffering and are finally ready to do things for yourself that are exciting and stress-free. If you take action to make yourself think and look adjusted this will go a long way toward counterbalancing the pain you have been going through. Remember that sometimes a break up can be an opportunity to find a better you, and what now feels so miserable may prove a fortuitous opportunity for a new beginning.
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